Questions for People

Conversation Best Practices

Every participant needs to feel seen and heard.

Before offering our thoughts, ask one more question.

Barriers to being "present"

• Too much focus on ourselves

• Too much of our attention is on what we will say next.

When navigating conflict

• Lead with humility

• Look for points of connection

• Take a pause (time out). Say something like, “I’d love to talk more with you about this after I’ve had more time to think about it. Can we talk more tomorrow?”

• Say something like, “Here’s what’s coming to mind right now…” The “now” implies my mind is not made up about the issue.

When talking to strangers

• Carry a container of presence rather than a toolbox.

• Usually starts with nonverbal communication, such as an open posture, presence, making eye contact, and smiling.

• Empathy.

• Don’t advise unless it’s asked for.

• Give some thought to a question or two in advance.

Over many years, I accumulated a list of questions for various situations. Sometimes, when I want to initiate a conversation with a new person, I sneak a look at the list before the meeting. It helps a lot. So, I'm sharing it with you.

The window below is a Google Doc that I've published as a web page. Its Table of Contents links are active; simply click on one and then click on the link that appears below it. 

To access the underlying Google Doc, click on the little rectangle in its upper right-hand corner. You can download it in various formats.