Funeral Resources
I still remember the anxiety I felt in 1993 when a parishioner died and I needed to lead my first funeral. I had just started serving as the interim pastor of a church, where I would spend the next 18 years as the senior pastor. From the time the person died there were only 3-4 days to prepare before the service. I had limited experience even attending funerals, and absolutely no idea how to officiate one. So I asked an experienced pastor for a crash course. Thanks to him, I survived, and so did the deceased's wife. In the 23 years since then, I've done several more.
Earlier this year (2015) I did 3 funerals in 3 months, causing me to dust off my funeral and memorial service resources to put them into a shape that I can offer to you. They include an invaluable (to me, anyway) worksheet that frames the pastoral and planning meeting that I have with the family, usually 2-3 days before the service. The resources also include preaching notes for several homilies (short 10-minute Christian messages) suitable for a wide range of situations.
There are many pastors far more skilled at funeral and memorial services than I am. But when I was getting started I would have loved to have this set of notes. Even today, if someone offered me such a set I'd scan it looking for ideas and things to add to my funeral service planning agenda.
Funeral and Memorial service resources
This first link is the worksheet that I use when I meet with the family a couple of days before the service: Funeral/Memorial Service Planning.
If a family invites me, a Christian pastor, to do a service, I assume the Holy Spirit arranged the invitation and that the family wants a Christian flavor. However, I will not trap a captive audience in a strongly Christian (or especially evangelistic) message, even if the family asks for it. People don't come to funerals to be force-fed what we think of as Good News. In fact, some come fearing the preacher will do exactly that. To the extent I feel it's appropriate, I try to provide a little slice of the Good News, perhaps getting to the concept of a life beyond death. And I do it in a tone of gentleness and respect.
Below are several homilies (10 minutes or less) that you will find helpful. Though you could use any of these directly, I offer them as starting points to new pastors and as a collection of fresh ideas for experienced pastors.
Graveside Service - very short and sweet. The first one I did was in a heavy rainstorm in California, the most recent was between snowfalls in Ohio.
Ministering through the next twelve months
I like to use the Stephen Ministries resource Journeying through Grief. It's a set of four booklets to give to the survivor at key times over the following year.
Book 1: A Time to Grieve, for 3 weeks after the loss
Book 2: Experiencing Grief, for 3 months after the loss
Book 3: Finding Hope and Healing, for 6 months after the loss
Book 4: Rebuilding and Remembering, sent 11 months after the loss.
Blessings, Tim