When people ask me for advice about their lack of joy or for help with a difficult personal relationship they are in, sometimes it is the result of carrying an unresolved resentment or anger over a past hurt. It may have been the parent who abandoned them, a spouse who betrayed them, a family member, a co-worker, or someone else. The hurt may have occurred years before. The perpetrator may still be in their life - or far away, or even dead.

When I sense that resentment is the root of their lack of joy, or the reason they are having a difficult time with someone, I talk with them about forgiveness. In the process I usually find that it is helpful to differentiate forgiveness from reconciliation and restoration. Understanding these concepts helps the person begin a process to resolve their resentment and move on with their life.

If you work with people who need to forgive some past hurt, or if you need to process a past hurt of your own, this link is for you: Forgiveness & Beyond.